There is something happening. The clarity of mind that comes from a deep connection to the land where I live. With so few distractions or rushing, much deeper sleep and no alcohol whatsoever during this lockdown, I have come to know this part of the earth better than I have ever known anything. I walk above the sea on the cliff path and especially at high tide, when the sea is lapping against the edge of the land, I can feel a sort of fizzing in the air, and the faintest sound of bubbles. There is an acquiescence and a sort of peace. Even more in awe of nature, I can communicate with it and I can feel a fusion with it.
Is it a form of Stockholm syndrome? I understand how people can fall in love with their captors, because it is an instinct of survival. At first when my freedom was taken away, I suffered headaches and psychic pain. I knew that the only way I could heal was through giving myself up to nature. I lay down every day in the bluebell woods above the sea, away from sight, and allowed nature to soothe me, and finally understood that only Gaia could be my healer. Now the colours of flowers are brighter than ever and I stop and commune with them on my walks. I have never been any good at gardening because I always feel I need to apologise to plants if I disrupt their lives. I can plant things, and sweep, but not much more.
I still miss so much, and especially my daughter with her radiant joy, and our shared laughter and friendship. I miss us together in the back garden of the Stag and cold white wine. But wine is only a celebration for me. I have promised myself that I want to wait until there is something to celebrate before I drink it.
Today refugees crossed the channel again in a dinghy. Pett Level seems to be a favourite landing beach. There were 25 in all including a family of six. I hope they get the asylum they seek. It made me so aware of how close we are to France and how close I am to possibilities.
A Zoom meeting with my lovely friends in different countries tonight and some art and writing therapy. We talked of this dystopia we are all living in and our shared common experiences. Every week we discuss the different aspects of processing this new territory, and the one thing that unites us and that is our shared creativity. It is more vital than ever.
Without the usual distractions in life, we are being forced to confront our own existential discomfort. The little things we do in life to distract from these things are coping mechanisms. Some people are so addicted to being busy, they are for the first time ever, confronting their issues. And on top of this, the questions arise as to what is really happening. Why are healthy people being quarantined? Is there a deep state agenda? So many questions. So much time to ponder them. Little wonder some of us are picking up on the collective consciousness and unease.
May we all find peace in the deep healing that comes from true connection with nature.